It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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