I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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