And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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