Dual....:-)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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