Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
