I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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