you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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