sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
