I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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