the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
