I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone shit on the floor
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
