Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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