if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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