I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize