dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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