I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
