You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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