Who did Billy Mays play for?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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