And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
