Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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