flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
