they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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