i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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