its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
