she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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