i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
