yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't deserve a penis
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
