I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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