I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Non-Jews are for practice
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
