I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
