There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
