Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
