I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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