Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
