we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
