remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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