I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
