Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
