Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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