3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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