He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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