After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
