Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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