Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
