im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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