She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
