I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
