My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
