i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
