My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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