watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
