Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
