i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
