the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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