lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
