new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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