she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
