Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
