Three words: puerto rican gang bang
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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