i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
