he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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