I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And then he peed in my hair
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