Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
