you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
