saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
