If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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