Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
