I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
