I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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