I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
