i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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