I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
