I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
