I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need help removing her.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
