I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
